Word Pairs: Who vs. Whom
It sounds pretty old fashioned: To whom have you sent those letters? Modern colloquial speakers expect something more along the lines of Who did you send those letters to?
While whom may sound outdated, it can pose a problem, especially if you’re writing for an erudite audience, or if you are a stickler for using words properly and adhering to the rules of grammar.
In the example above, the second sentence (Who did you send those letters to?) breaches the standards set forth by proper grammar, and it breaks the rule in the ongoing battle of who vs. whom.
Here are the two grammar rules violated by our example sentence:
- It ends with a preposition
- Uses who where whom is the correct interrogative pronoun
Interrogative Pronoun! Are You Kidding?
Yeah, I guess it sounds pretty fancy, and no, I’m not kidding. As I’ve mentioned before, I’m not one of those grammar sticklers. I do, however, believe that writers who learn the rules can better get away with breaking them. If you are a writer, then it couldn’t possibly hurt to know what an interrogative pronoun is, and how to use it in a sentence, correctly.
Plus, learning about interrogative pronouns will help you know the difference between who vs. whom.
Interrogative Pronoun
Simply put, an interrogative pronoun is a pronoun that is used in a question. You know these words: who, what, where, when, why, and how. Whence and whither are also interrogative pronouns, but I’ll spare you on those. For now.
Who Uses Whom Nowadays?
The word whom seems to have fallen out of favor, although some crotchety old aunt or anal-retentive English teacher might force it into your vocabulary at some point. For all I know, whom could still be used in British English, Canadian English, or Aussie speak. It’s safe to assume that a high profile writing assignment (Ph.D, anyone?) would require you to adhere to strict rules, and to use whom where it would be expected. Also, if you were writing an historical novel, or perhaps a fantasy tale with a medieval flair, you’d want to know such things so your characters would have realistic dialogue.
So, What’s the Difference between Who and Whom?
First I’ll give you the technical answer, then a trick to help you remember which one to use in your own sentence crafting.
Who refers to the subject of a sentence, while whom refers to the object.
Yep, it’s that simple.
Example:
I see you.
In the sentence above, I is the subject and you is the object. I always remember subject as the giver and object as the receiver.
Since who is the proper interrogative pronoun for representing a sentence’s subject, you could say:
Who sees you?
(I do. I see you.)
The object of a sentence is represented with whom, so you would say the following:
I see whom? or Whom do I see?
(I see you.)
Tip for Remember Who vs. Whom
Some months ago, while listening to Grammar Girl (one of my favorite podcasts), I picked up a neat little trick for remembering when to use who vs. whom. Both whom and him are pronouns that end with the letter m. If the sentence can be constructed with him in place of whom, you’re on the right track.
I see whom?
Whom did I see?
I see him.
Grammar sure is fun.
Editor’s Note: This post was originally published in January, 2008, but has been updated with more information and therefore republished for your reading (and learning) pleasure.
I’ve always felt weird using the word “whom” when writing fiction, even if was the correct word but it’s always good to know when to use it just in case.
Ashely, it does feel strange and outdated to use whom. However, there have been a few occasions where I found it appropriate, so I do think it’s good to know (just in case).
I think people fear sounding “uppity” if they use whom, even correctly because so many use it wrong.
I personally think it sounds Hemingway-esque; and it’s the closest I’ll get to his caliber of writing in the fiction category.
I agree with Deb. It probably makes people feel “uppity” to use the word whom.
This was a great explanation, Melissa! Fun indeed.
Having just finished a book replete with who and whom’s, I don’t feel that the issue is so much a question of being outdated but a question of proper grammar, regardless. I must say, my editing to this point (half-way) has revealed that for the most part, my whom to who usage has been spot-on. Frankly, it sounds a bit silly to try and use the “It sounds old-fashioned.” excuse to never use whom. Who made up that rule and to whom does it apply? Ha-ha. Think about it . . . anytime you have used such salutation in a letter, it goes to whom it may concern; not to who. Whom has its rightful place in proper English usage. Thanks for the useful article on other little hints to use that I may not have thought of. And yes, ending a sentence in a preoposition is a big no-no in APA format, but can be a great writer’s tool. Ciao babe.
Good for you for embracing proper grammar. I do think that there is a time and place to break or bend the rules, but you still have to know them!
Hmmm… never really thought about it. The us of whom does sound “uppity” but if it’s right, it’s right! I’ll try to be good. If I want to let people know why I’m sounding uppity, I’ll just share the link to this story! I may do that just so I can!
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One of the reasons the who/whom issue frustrates me is because it does sound uppity. Most people simply don’t use “whom” anymore. Why should they when “who” will do? There’s a similar dilemma with regards to ending a sentence with a preposition. We’re not really supposed to, but it actually sounds better in many cases. Each writer (or speaker) has to decide how closely to stick with the traditional rules. Just remember, language is always evolving!
Hey. I’m one of those crotchety English Canadians who went to public school in the 1940s and learned grammar at the flat of a yardstick. Screw up a there/their, a neither/nor or a who/whom question, and Whack! Primitive methodology perhaps, but effective. So you understand why I cringe when reading a passage and find a who sitting in place of a whom. Oh boy, I think, Mrs. Jackson is going to get you!
I suggest, whatever is accepted as correct grammar always be used except in dialogue where the ear is boss.
Yikes! Sounds pretty harsh, Terry. Even though I think that learning good grammar is important, I’m not sure it warrants the flat end of a yardstick!