Criticism: Can You Handle It or Are You a Slave to Your Ego?
February 13, 2008 · Written by Melissa Donovan
Last week, I explained how you can help other writers by giving good critique. This week, we’ll talk about how you can graciously be on the receiving end of critique, whether it’s good or bad.
If you want to be a better writer, you have to be able to handle criticism, even if it’s not constructive. There will be times when less than tactful or totally useless feedback falls into your lap and you can either become defensive, or you can read between the insults and find glittering gems of advice.
Everybody has an ego, and writers often find themselves in an usual position to receive reams of criticism. When your mom says she loves your short story, you feel special. When a literary agent tells you it’s garbage, you stifle a sob. When some bloke tells you you’re a hack, what you’d like to do is whip out your hacksaw. But should you use it on your critic or on yourself? The sad truth is that nine times out of ten, the negative feedback you receive will be far more accurate and beneficial than the positive, and today you’re going to find out just why that is.
The Scenario
You post a poem on a critique forum and hope for the best. Then, you sit there refreshing the window every thirty seconds as you wait for someone to come by and give you some valuable input, something you can use… something that makes you feel hopeful. Over the course of a week, you receive the following four comments:
- Wow. Great rhymes. You must read a lot of Dr. Suess.
- You show great proficiency in the art of alliteration. The rhymes could be more sophisticated.
- You’re a terrible poet.
- The alliteration comes off as a means to distract the reader from the fact that this poem is suffering from adjective addiction. Less description, more action. You tell and poets must show. Plus, the subject matter is trite and common.
The first three commentators didn’t give you a whole lot. One stroked your ego and was probably underage. Number two was in a hurry, and number three was a flame-thrower. Number four took the time to read your piece but was nasty and left you feeling defensive and offended. You work hard at alliteration, and you love adjectives. And what does everyone mean by show don’t tell?
The Five F’s: Friends & Family Find Few Faults
There are some people, and most of them are your friends and family, who will never find fault with your work. Maybe it’s because they love you. Maybe it’s because they don’t have the backbone to tell you your poem sucks. Or, maybe they know you’ve got a gnarly ego and might lash out. If you need a spiritual lift, go ahead and ask mom, but if you want to be a better writer, get outside your inner circle.
Avoid Fly Bys
Some folks are just too busy. Sure, I’ll review your poem. Here, let me have a look. Great, good job, work on your rhymes. Have a nice day. You need a critic who’s going to tell you exactly what’s wrong with your writing. Otherwise, how are you going to fix it? Find someone who will take the time to work with you, and elaborate on what you need to work on.
Ignore the Idiots
You know the type — never has anything nice to say about anyone or anything. The punk-ass who could use a few courses in anger management. These folks abound in forums and on message boards because they can spew their venom behind anonymity. They’re not going to offer much other than you suck and so does your poem. Even if this is true, the feedback is useless because there’s nothing in it that you can draw from, and therefore you cannot grow as an artist. Don’t get caught up in the drama! Ignore and move on.
Tolerate and Encourage the Tactless
The tactless critic has valuable feedback, but overlooks the positive aspects of your work. This individual will give you a thorough reading and criticism complete with grammar and punctuation advice. The drawback is that these people lack sensitivity and cannot see the good in others. They probably suffer from a severe case of insecurity coupled with a sense of entitlement or intellectual elitism. The good news is that they’re great at pinpointing problems in others, which is why you need to harness your ego and accept what they say with tight lips and a thank you.
Embrace the Experts
Experts will take the time to really read your work. Their feedback will be a healthy mixture explaining both the good and bad qualities of your writing, and they’ll never criticize you — just your work, and that’s important. Adore them, bake them cookies, and buy them lots of gifts. Keep them close and write down everything they say. Then, incorporate their feedback into your writing. That’s when you’ll truly start to understand the value of constructive criticism.
Be Receptive Not Defensive
Ultimately, your job during the critique process is to listen and to be receptive. If mom says it’s great, smile and say thank you. Don’t go trying to get her to find the flaws. Don’t even bother with the fly-bys, since they have better things to do anyway. Whatever you do, never get sucked into any type of flame war that involves personal insults. Better to ignore meanies and walk away with your head held high and the knowledge that they are total morons.
Look instead to the people who actually have something negative to say. These might be rude people who can’t find one bit of salvation in your poem, or they might be considerate individuals who know the glass is both half full and half empty. It is, however, the negative feedback that will help you hone your craft, and give you the tools you need to target troubled areas of your writing, which you should focus and improve upon.
What About the Good?
When it comes to a positive review, sit back and bask in the glory. Enjoy the moment and know that your writing shows promise, and that someone out there enjoys it, at least some parts of it. Most importantly, whenever the negative gets overwhelming or leaves you feeling like maybe you should seek a career in sales, remember the good feedback you’ve gotten over the years. Let it keep your spirits high.
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Some have family and or friends who find nothing but fault whether it is there or not. It depends on the motivation/agenda of the individual and not always whether or not they love them.
I suppose that could also be true of a non-family critique if one was insecure about their own material and felt threatened by another’s efforts if it could be competing.
I always struggle with finding new critics. It’s almost as hard as hiring a maid. I’m taking a risk here that somebody is going to find out that I squeeze the toothpaste from the middle (not really) and they’ll tell the next customer done the street. I also agonize over reviewing other people’s stuff. Yep, if there’s a way to stress I’ll find it.
Melissa–this is an fantastic post. So informative. You are so right about family and friends. We conducted peer reviews in class and I always encouraged students to be honest, develop thick skins–only then can you truly take the criticism and USE it. I hate saying, “Don’t take it personally.” But honestly, in order to become a better writer, you have to learn to remove your feelings and make the comments/critiques work for you. Great post!
@Deb, I thought about that (families that criticize) when I wrote this. I tried to use the gushing mother as an example, and not indicate that all moms or family members are like that. Hopefully that came across. It is very difficult to find a good critic, but there are lots of forums and message boards online. I know a good poetry forum… let me know if you’d like the link.
@LaskiGal, Thanks! I learned everything I know about critiques in a poetry workshop in college. In fact, I find that the method works in every area of life where you need to give someone feedback. Valuable stuff.
You are right about the different type of commenters. The experts are the only good ones, but they are so hard to find.
I’ve ran into all the critics you have mentioned lol
Very good information
I voted too
Superb breakdown!
Wow, Melissa, this post is filled with awesome tips and advice!
I love it when I receive rejection letters and the editor has pinpointed WHY my query/article was rejected. Only once out of the times I’ve submitted my poetry have I received any feedback to actually help. The editor critiqued my poem! She told me what was wrong with it, what I could do to improve it, and specifically where I had failed in creating a successful poem. Now, THAT made my day!
@Manictastic, I agree, it’s hard to find an expert and it’s also a blessing!
@JC, Thanks!
@Jaden, Merci beaucoup!
@Michele, I was lucky to get a lot of great feedback in school. There are also some forums online but I found you have to shop around to find really good ones. My experience is that most of them are more aimed toward compliments than improvements.